My UZI Weighs a Ton
My UZI Weighs a Ton is certainly one of the more aggressively named cigars on the market, but beneath the edgy branding lies a surprisingly balanced and enjoyable smoke.
Wrapped in a dark, oily Maduro leaf and packed with a hearty blend of Nicaraguan and Brazilian long-fillers, this cigar immediately gives off the impression that it is going to be an overpowering nicotine bomb. Interestingly enough, that was not really my experience. While the cigar definitely leaned toward medium-to-full-bodied, it never crossed the line into harshness or overwhelming strength.
Instead, the smoke was rich, slow-burning, and remarkably balanced from start to finish.
Flavor-wise, the profile centered around deep, earthy tobacco notes layered with leather, black pepper, and dark cocoa. The pepper added a nice kick early on without dominating the smoke, while the cocoa and earthy undertones helped smooth things out as the cigar developed. There was also a subtle sweetness that occasionally lingered beneath the darker flavors, keeping the profile from feeling too heavy.
One thing I appreciated was the pace of the burn. This cigar burned slowly and evenly, allowing plenty of time to settle into the experience and enjoy how the flavors unfolded. The smoke itself was thick and satisfying without becoming overwhelming, and the draw remained consistent throughout.
What surprised me most was how restrained the cigar actually felt, considering its name and appearance. I expected something far bolder and more aggressive. Instead, it delivered a smoother and more refined experience than anticipated — still rich and flavorful, but balanced enough to remain approachable.
At around $7 a stick, I felt it offered decent value overall. While it was certainly an enjoyable smoke and one I do not regret trying, it ultimately did not leave enough of an impression for me to want to stock up on a box or keep them regularly in the humidor.
Still, for smokers who enjoy earthy maduros with balanced strength and a slow, flavorful burn, My UZI Weighs a Ton is definitely worth experiencing at least once.
